Bone broth: a rebuttal to The Onion

I was browsing one of my favorite iPad news sources today on The Onion Tablet app. I was quite dismayed to find an article entitled Lot Of Bold Talk About Making Broth Going Around Apartment.

An excerpt:

“Considering the bold words being bandied about haven’t amounted to anything yet, there sure is a lot of serious talk about making broth going on right now in a local apartment on West Charleston Street, reports confirmed Wednesday. “I was thinking I might make some broth for tonight,” said roommate Ryan Benson, who talked a pretty big game about “throwing in some beef bones” but had yet to actually grow a fucking pair, step up to the stove, and slowly simmer some meaty, thick-marrowed bones in order to draw out their subtle flavors.”

I humbly submit a link to the aforementioned article for your full perusal at your leisure. Lot Of Bold Talk About Making Broth Going Around Apartment

Now then, First of Nine steps up to the plate, to give The Onion what for!

Yeah, that’s right. A First of Nine first…. First of Nine makes bone broth, sucka!

We start off with a visit to the New Season’s freezer section. Oh, boy! It’s a fine day! They have ox tails! Booyah!

Normally I’d put in one or two oxtails. But, The Onion article has me all riled up, so I’m chucking in the lot into the old school crock pot. Fill to the brim with water, agua, mizu…. Same old stuff.

A couple capfuls of some kinda vinegar. Any vinegar will do. I’m allergic to apple cider vinegar. Makes the back of my neck itch for days. What? That’s totally normal, right? Bygones. A splash of organic balsamic vinegar should do the trick, cuz that’s what I have in the kitchen.

Set the crock pot on low. And…. And….

There’s something about the slow cooking movement. It’s a time based art. I’ll let ya know how the bone broth turns out, after the bones have softened, from all the complex chemical breakdown of cartilage, marrow, collagen and minerals, over time. It’s kinda like juicing…Like juicing meat! Mmm! Yum-o!

Bone broth…. It’s a cancer survivor’s ultimate nutrient dense drink! Any big marrow bones will do. Ahh… marrow. Love that texture!

I drink bone broth like tea! I dig adding wakame flakes. Takes me back to childhood, sipping miso on a winter’s day, back when it actually snowed in Portlandia.

So, The Onion. Be warned. In Portland, Oregon, we’re making bone broth, jive turkey!

Hamid : )
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